- Yeah, well, the problem with you liberals, you think you're the good guys, you think that gives you a pass to do random criminal acts, you know? Ooh, I-- I saved an owl, now I can go kill a baby.
- That seems like-- you must know that's not true.
- It's kind of an interesting thing, the way you guys define yourselves and each other. Liberal, conservative. How would you define a liberal? Like, to you, what is a liberal?
- Just P.C., fucking fake, animal rights, and gay agenda, always pushing the liberal agenda. They hate Christians and they hate white men. You know why? 'Cause they don't think it through. And they think they're better than everyone else and that they should tell everyone else how to think. They're just fucking assholes.
- Okay. How would you define a conservative?
- Uh, just Jesus everything and they hate gay people and racist but pretending they're not, and they're selfish and they only care about money and they think everyone has to do their conservative Christian shit.
- See, the fact that you start out by seeing each other like that, I mean, how could you possibly ever respect each other or agree on anything?
- Yeah, well, they do that, I don't.
- You just said you do. You just described us with a string of insults.
- Just like you did.
- Yeah--
- Okay, okay, okay. This is getting interesting. Now, you, define conservative.
- Conservative means values. Having values and sticking to 'em and defending what's right and not just saying what somebody said is right that year, you know what I mean? There's-- there's things in this world that are right and wrong and always have been. And you have to respect where this country came from, and you have to hold on to that. And the fact that country and God and life, those are all sacred things. And people should respect each other, and government is there to facilitate, all right? It's not there to control people. And the way you get the best out of people is to make room for their strengths, not by overcompensating for their weaknesses.
- Well, that sounds reasonable. That sounds like something most people can respect, right?
- Yeah.
- Now, define liberal.
- Just being open to things outside yourself, having your eyes open and thinking about others, and being aware that our planet is precious and we're responsible for that. And people need to listen to each other. And be decent and tolerant and that a diverse community is a strong community. And sometimes the little guy needs a hand. And we're a strong enough country to do that, and so we should.
- Okay, how's that sound?
- Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, okay.
- Yeah? So, if you start by taking his definition of himself and he starts with your definition of you, don't you stand a better chance, have a better shot at getting to some sort of consensus?
- Who said they want that?
- Well, that's another thing.
- They're not trying to reach an agreement. This is fucking sports.
- Hillary Clinton is a cunt, and I'm a liberal.
- Look, do you know how lucky we are to live in this country? You think this conversation is happening in a bar in any other country?
- God, I hope not.
- Give me a fucking break. This country is not that great. It's not even a democracy anymore.
- Then go live in Afghanistan, you got the fucking beard for it.
- You know what the sad thing is? This country has such potential. It's not a democracy, you're right. But it could be, tomorrow. If the people woke up, they could change the whole thing. The whole system's set up and waiting. It's just sitting there like exercise equipment, waiting to be touched while your fat ass watches TV. If everybody woke up tomorrow and said, "We're not gonna spend another fucking dollar "or cast another vote or fight another bullshit war until we get our fair share," that shit would change tomorrow. But it fucking won't, and the framers knew this. That's the sick part. They were sitting in their little room with their buckled shoes. And one of them, probably Jefferson, because he had the clearest head from blowing all his jizz on slave faces, said, "Hey, the way to control these people "is not to suppress them. That doesn't work anymore."
- That's right, that's what history shows us. Look at the French. Look at Cromwell. They knew that every time you give the control to the people, all of the control, they don't want it, they give it right back.
- Because they're fucking sheep.
- Those are Frenchmen.
- The reason the few and the rich control all the power is because the many poor and stupid let them. They're too afraid to try to succeed at anything, they want to dream about rich people and never be one. It's pathetic. And then you sit here doing your little "Punch and Judy" puppet show, as if it matters if you're a liberal and you're a conservative. You're both suckers.
- Horace and Pete 1x01
